Connecting With Your People – Are you?
The people closest to you may not always be the most supportive. They might be too familiar with you to see what makes you special. Family and friends, who can be the greatest source of love and acceptance, can also be a great source of criticism and frustration.
Are you connecting with the right people?
With social media, you get the chance to connect with others based on your shared interests. People who ‘get’ you can do a great deal to lift your self-view and increase your confidence.
So, how do you connect with others and build your own supportive tribe?
Join Online Communities
Start by joining groups. Facebook has a group directory that you can browse. You can find groups based on hobbies, careers, or lifestyle. These are great sources to start connecting with the type of people you have something in common with or people you’d just like to meet.
Look for groups that have a few thousand members and are active with users regularly posting. Some group owners may have a form consisting of 2-3 questions that they’d like you to fill out. Answer as truthfully as possible. You don’t want to be deceptive and risk being removed from the group later.
Close your eyes and imagine an organization’s “community.” … You can define a community by the shared attributes of the people in it, and/or by the strength of the connections among them. When an organization is identifying communities of interest, the shared attribute is the most useful definition of a community.
Pay Attention to Privacy
Keep in mind that privacy settings can vary by group. On Facebook, an open group is one where anyone can see the posts, even people who aren’t members of the group. That means if you post in a discussion in an open group, your friends may be able to see it with a bit of digging.
But Facebook has another option called closed groups. Anyone on Facebook can see who the members are, but in order to see the discussions taking place, you have to join the group. This can be ideal if you want to participate in a group but you don’t want your posts seen by everyone on social media.
Respond to Posts
Once you’re approved to join a group, you can go ahead and dive in. Try to comment on three recent threads. Make your comments personal and don’t be afraid to share your unique perspective.
Aim to respond to a few threads throughout the next week or two. This lets the other members get to know you and learn more about your personality. Sounds simple right?
Once you’ve interacted on a few topics, it’s time to jump in. Start your own discussion by asking a question and seeking opinions. Don’t ask about something controversial just to get attention.
Instead, focus on asking a question that requires a complex answer. A simple yes-or-no question won’t allow you to start a deeper discussion. Instead, try to ask a “Why…?” or “How…?” question. These tend to invite more conversation and give you a chance to learn more about other members.
The great thing about online communities is that they expose you to perspectives from around the globe. This allows you to learn new things and broaden your own horizons by making new friends.
You can join our group on Facebook to connect with other likeminded Virtual Service Providers. Go ahead, we’d love to have you in our community.
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If you crave genuine connection online, you have to be authentic. Some people mistakenly believe that to be authentic, you have to share your entire life online with absolutely no filters.
But that’s not true.
You can be authentic and build lasting relationships without oversharing or annoying your community.
Though the people who preach its virtue often don’t understand exactly what the word means. Authentic is defined as: “not false or copied; genuine; real.” And, my favorite definition, “representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.”
Here a few ways to show your true self to your online friends and followers:
Share the Bad
Most people automatically share their good moments on social media. For instance, they take a selfie of their new hairdo or post about their vacation adventures or proudly display their sonogram.
There’s nothing wrong with publishing these details online. But if you only show the good side of your life, people may struggle to trust you.
You’ll appear more genuine if you post about your bad moments occasionally. This means you can go ahead and upload that post-workout gym selfie, broadcast a shot of your messy workspace, or share a snap of how your fuzzy your hair looks after you ran in the rain. (But this hair pic for me, NO!)
Present a Slice of Life
You know sometimes, being authentic can be as simple as posting about a common occurrence that other people can relate to. For example, Faydra Koenig, a crisis coach, frequently posts photos of her coffee cup from Starbucks.
She shares the images to show the unusual ways servers attempt to spell her name. And she does it in a light-hearted way without embarrassing anyone or shaming them. She simply has a laugh and lets her friends in on the joke.
Participate in Conversations
You wouldn’t take your friend to a crowded restaurant and spend the entire meal ignoring her. If you did, your friend wouldn’t feel very loved. She’d be upset and wonder why you bothered inviting her if you had no intention of spending time with her. And please, be present and stay off your phone.
It’s the same concept with social media. If you have friends and followers responding to your updates, take a moment to engage with them. You don’t have to write lengthy responses. When a friend comments, you can say something simple like, “Thanks for listening!” or “Hearing your perspective on this blesses me!”
Own Your Quirks
What do you geek out about? Maybe you love collecting Funko Pop vinyl figures and you’re always adding new ones to your collection. Maybe you live for cute shoes or you’re obsessed with trying different coffee flavors.
Sharing something you love and showing off your inner dork is a great way to be authentic online. You’ll attract other people who geek out over the same things and you’ll have a good supply of frequent content since your hobby is already part of your life.
You can be authentic online and still have your privacy. The key is picking which parts of your personality and life you’d like to showcase online.
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Selfie Love & Oversharing
Ok, now this is not big news. But, did you know that selfies are photos you take of yourself? Usually, people share their selfies on social media websites like Facebook and Instagram. Taking selfies can be a helpful way to track your weight loss, boost your mood, and even increase confidence.
Yet there can be a DARK SIDE to selfies. Taking dozens of selfies while searching for the right angle or obsessing over how various filters will make you appear can be warning signs that your selfie habit might be going too far. Ya think?
But, HOW do you know if your selfies are actually a bad thing?
Definition of selfie
a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media.
It can be helpful to ask yourself four simple questions after you snap a picture…
- How do I feel?
- Why am I sharing this?
- How much of my life should I be publishing?
- Am I ok if this goes viral?
Now, I’m asking going to ask you these questions, what are your thoughts? Here are some ideas to take into consideration:
How Do You Feel?
Jennifer took a selfie and felt anxious. So, she changed into jeans and a cute sweater then took another one. She still didn’t like the way she looked so she picked out a different top and changed her hairstyle to go with the outfit.
Sometimes, a selfie habit is more about seeking external validation than anything. Jennifer had always suffered from low self-esteem so those pictures were her way of feeling like she mattered. When she realized this, she knew she needed to make a change.
Why Are You Sharing This?
Some people take selfies as a way to document a moment and remember it later. That’s why you might be tempted to take a selfie during a fun vacation or snap a picture during that beautiful sunset.
But before you share that picture on social media, ask yourself why you’re sharing it. Are you hoping to impress someone? Are you secretly wishing to make your ex-jealous? Or are you genuinely eager to record the moment?
How Much of Your Life Should You Be Publishing?
When you snap a picture, take a moment to review it. Pay attention to what’s in the background of your selfie, or you could accidentally put yourself or someone else at risk if you’re not careful.
If you’re walking around your neighborhood, is your street address visible? If you’re in a medical setting like a hospital, are there other patients in the background? If you’re inside the changing room at your gym, are people in the background exposed?
Are You I OK If This Goes Viral?
A tasteless selfie can seriously damage your reputation and even cause you to lose your job. So before you post, ask yourself if you’d want your employer or extended family to see this photo.
Don’t rely on privacy settings to save you. Anyone can take a screenshot and share your private photo with the whole world even if you’ve deleted the original image. Once a selfie is online, you have to assume that it may be digitally accessible forever. So make smart choices that won’t come back to haunt you.
Selfies can be a great way to make you feel confident or document a special moment. Just make sure you’re snapping and sharing for all the right reasons. Mmmmkay?
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The Social Connection – The Unfair Comparisons
Hannah noticed her teenage daughter seemed sad one day. When she asked about it, her daughter shared that she’d been on social media. So, all of her friends were taking lavish spring break vacations and having plenty of fun while she was stuck at home.
And she was allowing it to get her down.
After listening, Hannah opened the Facebook app on her phone. She pulled up her best friend’s profile and handed the device to her daughter. “Look through her first ten photos and write down what you see on a notepad.”
Her daughter rolled her eyes but did as she was asked. When she was done, her short list read like this: Victoria is pretty, thin, has a cute boyfriend, and a good job. She’s a big fan of the Steelers and she loves rock climbing.
What she didn’t find out was:
Hannah tapped the list, “Victoria was homeless for a few months as a kid. In college, she was diagnosed with a serious digestive disease. She battled an addiction to painkillers following her last surgery. She just got out of rehab last year. But you can’t see all of that just by looking at her photos. On the outside, her life looks perfect.”
So, are YOU listening? Are YOU comparing yourself to others on Social Media?
so·cial me·di·a noun: noun: social media; plural noun: social media websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking.
Looking Beyond the Selfie
It doesn’t matter how old you are. On Facebook, it’s tempting to think that what you see is the whole story. But it’s important to remember that most social users are presenting a curated look at their life.
It’s not that people on social media sites are trying to be deceptive. It’s just that many people document their happy moments. This includes things like vacations, pregnancy news, graduation ceremonies, and weddings.
Why Social Media Can Make You Feel Bad
The downside to all of this positivity is that it can leave you feeling like you’re lacking in some ways. You might look at a picture of someone else’s family where everyone is smiling and think that your friend has a wonderful life.
But what she won’t share are the unsupportive remarks her husband makes about her online business. She doesn’t post about her son’s struggle with a learning disability or talk about her daughter’s crippling depression.
How Social Media Affects You
Frequently comparing your life to the lives of others on Facebook can lead to anxiety and depression. You may find yourself asking questions like:
- What if I’m not as popular as her?
- What if no one likes my selfie?
- Does that mean I’m ugly?
- My life isn’t as awesome as hers!”
Ironically, spending more time on social media means you have fewer conversations in real life. This can worsen anxiety and depression, creating an unhealthy cycle that leaves you unhappy and isolated.
So, What Do YOU Do?
You don’t have to stay stuck in comparison mode. You can disconnect from social media when you notice that you’re feeling bad about yourself or your life.
The more you do this, the easier it will become to break social media’s effect on your outlook.
Maybe something you can add to your business is a mentor to help you work on this.
Can selfies be a bad thing? Find out when you download your free workbook!
Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Social Connection in my next blog post, Selfie Love and Over-Sharing.
Do YOU need help with your Social Media? Contact me for a 15-minute call to see how I can help you. Use my calendar link here: Discovery Call
Or, fill out the form below and I’ll be in touch.
Tracking Your Personal Time
Sue was a web designer who worked from home. She found herself very distracted and didn’t feel she was as productive as she could be. At a friend’s urging, Sue began using a time tracker to track her personal time. She was amazed to see how much time she was filling with minor tasks (like checking Facebook on her phone and surfing Pinterest). Tracking personal time is really essential if you plan on having a successful business.
If you haven’t done it before, you should try tracking your time, too. The results can be surprising and like Sue, you may discover you could be far more productive…
Tracking Personal Time Takes About 2 Weeks
Think of time tracking like a budget. Your hours are your dollars. By tracking them you can see where your money (in this case your time) is really going. Then you can make adjustments to your schedule depending on what you learn.
Plan to spend at least two weeks tracking your time. If you only track your time for a day or two, you’re not going to get a complete picture of what your habits and routines really look like. This can lead you to under-estimate the time you need to do certain tasks (like finish a big project).
Do Quick Check-Ins
Tracking your personal time doesn’t have to be all-consuming. Instead, you can check-in with yourself 3-4 times a day to make a note of what you’ve been doing. A good idea is to plan to check-in after every meal. This gives you a chance to think about what you’ve done and what you plan to do in the coming hours.
Record everything no matter what. You wouldn’t splurge on a huge purchase then not budget for it, would you? This could lead to financial errors and other problems. It’s the same concept with your time. Acknowledge how you’ve spent it, even if you’re not proud of it.
Use a Physical Notebook
There are dozens of time trackers online. These can be useful when you have to track time for client projects. But it’s not so great when you’re tracking your personal time. If you go to record your time and find yourself distracted by social media or emails, you could definitely benefit from using a physical notebook instead.
Make It Fun For Yourself
So, when Sue started time tracking her personal time, she asked her friend to join her. Together they both began tracking their time. But instead of sharing their logs, they’d take selfies and send them to each other every hour. Cool huh?
It made the experience more enjoyable and kept both of them focused on being productive. You can do the same thing—send a quick selfie to a private Instagram account every hour for a visual record of how you’ve spent your time.
Look over Your Log
After you’re done with tracking your time, plan to have a review session the next day. Look over your logs and make notes about what you’d like to change now. Do you want to spend more time playing with your kids? Would you prefer to cut out Facebook and use that hour to work on eating healthier meals?
Time tracking can be a great way to see where you’re spending it well and where you can make some improvements. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself becoming more intentional with how you spend your hours!
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