Today we are discussing life in general, but more importantly what you can learn when your life is in shambles. I can hear you saying, “Well, nobody’s life is perfect“, but what if something horrible happens to you or someone you know?
Life can be terribly revealing, can’t it? You can learn to live with disappointment, you just have to acknowledge that you can.
I really love this quote:
“Every event in life can be causing only one of two things. Either it is good for you, or it’s bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.” Deepak Chopra
No one wants to go through transitions, but we all will. Things must change because we are growing, evolving beings. We are here to learn what lessons we need to reach our full potential. You want that too, right?
So it may not be all fun and games. But if we want, we can learn important lessons that will serve us well as we move through tough changes.
Let me explain…
What is Really Important in Life – and What you Can Learn
When things are status quo, we believe the big, external things in life are what matter. What kind of car we drive, what our job title is, and how much money we have in the bank. These are all that seem to matter during our normal daily lives. But when “tragedy” strikes and we lose something of true value, it helps us reassess what is really important in life.
We shift our thinking and start spending time with those people and doing those things that make us really happy. Instead of just following our routine, we go out of our way to do things for other people.
That Fear Doesn’t Need to Hold you Back
So often, we feel we have too much to lose to take a big risk and change something we desire to be different. But when it all falls apart, no matter how we try to keep it together, our greatest fears come true.
We see that we really have much less to lose than we thought and that being delightfully happy is worth the risk. We can stop letting fear hold us back and take a plunge into what we’ve always really wanted.
Letting Go of STUFF is Freeing
We hang onto stuff like it’s a life raft. It can be material things, people, or situations that deep down we know is no longer making us happy. Often we are just too scared to let it go. When life forces our hand and we lose what we thought we couldn’t live without, we can finally feel free.
Free from holding on so tightly that we focus all of our energy on holding on instead of re-evaluating if we really want it in the first place.
You DON’T Have to be Perfect
We spend so much energy trying to be perfect every day of our lives. We beat ourselves up over the tiniest little flaw or mistake. All this struggling is exhausting! And ultimately, the best we can do is to pretend that everything is perfect in our world. Because we are never going to get to a stage where everything is perfect.
When you share your experiences with others whom you trust, you will start to see their masks come down. You will hear about how imperfect their lives are, and yet see that they are still happy.
In the comments below, how does this make you feel? I would be so interested to hear your perspective.
Do you find that life is harder than it needs to be? Yeah, me too sometimes, it’s just reality. Today’s blog is all about what NOT to do when life is hard. You might think that this is ridiculous but it’s really not.
Life has its Challenges
Here are some points that you might think about:
Don’t fall into the blame game
The first thing we typically do when something goes wrong is to blame. We blame others or ourselves, depending on the situation but blaming does no good whatsoever. It’s a waste of energy and keeps us focused on the problem, not the solution. Notice when you feel you want to blame or self-judge and come back to how you can solve the problem instead.
Don’t give up – let go
You may feel like giving up when it feels like the sky is falling in. But what is the alternative? Rather than giving up on the possibility of feeling happy again or on your dreams for the future, let go of the attachment to them. This means you should go ahead and dream and take the action that can make those dreams into a reality. But, don’t buy into the belief that if they don’t happen, that you won’t be able to be happy.
Sometimes FEAR is Controlling
Don’t numb yourself
There are many ways we numb ourselves to the pain we feel throughout our lives. Of course, we could use drugs or alcohol, but even more often, we use keeping incredibly busy or tuning out by watching TV or playing mindless games. Even though it’s not fun, it’s important for your healing to experience the pain that you feel. Unless you do that, the pain will stay with you in various forms until you allow yourself to feel it.
Don’t isolate yourself
When we are scared, embarrassed, or worried, our natural instinct is to hide away to lick our wounds. Of course, there is a time for that – a time when we need to be alone with our feelings and thoughts but it’s too easy to stay in that place of isolation for longer than is healthy. The less connection we feel to family and friends, the more depressed we become. This almost always increases our feelings of fear and worry. So, make a point to be around the positive, supportive people in your life, even when you don’t feel like it.
Don’t hang out with negative people
When you feel like life sucks, you are more vulnerable than at other times when life seems rosy. Being around people who are always complaining or blaming is a sure way to make yourself feel worse. Know that it’s okay to say ‘no thanks’ to invitations that you know will end up in a huge complaining or back-biting session. Instead, get together with people who support your dreams and visions of the future.
I know this is a lot to think about but in order to have a great life, you’ve got to go down this road to come out the other side to be happy. Trust me, I’ve been there before and it’s NOT pretty. But life struggles are real, you’ve just got to get through them the best way you can. If you need help I offer 1×1 mentoring sessions.
Contact me using the form below and I’ll be in touch.
Hope is one of those things that people don’t always understand well, though oddly enough, we all need it to live a happy, healthy life. After all, hope is what helps you see your situation and then shows you the way out. So, what is hope and why does it matter?
Discover some of the ways I’ve mentioned below:
What is Hope?
According to the dictionary, hope is “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” Hope sees the potential in a situation. But it does more than that. Take a look at these synonyms taken from the same dictionary.
“aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, plan, dream, daydream”
noun – the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope. a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning. verb – (used with object), hoped, hop·ing. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory. verb – (used without object), hoped, hop·ing. to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring. Archaic. to place trust; rely (usually followed by in).
Hope isn’t some warm fluffy bit of happiness, nor is it a Pollyanna dose of enthusiasm, though it might contain both emotions. Hope is instead a goal that includes the desire to get there, and the feeling that you can.
The thing to realize is that hope is necessary to live. Without it, we not only stagnate, but we also lose our will to live entirely.
Does it matter to YOU? Do YOU desire it?
Hope gets caught up in the interconnectedness of things. We need hope to realize our dreams, but as a group, our communities likewise need hope to survive. Hope shows us what we live for, and what we fight for.
Some other aspects of hope?
- Hope makes us creative. Without hope we wouldn’t go hunting for out-of-the-box solutions to our problems, nor would we waste time trying to find a new way to do things.
- Hope puts us to work. Without hope, there’s no point in even trying to get a project done. Hope tells us to get to work and pushes us to keep going, even when interest in that project flags.
- Hope pushes us past any failure. With hope, we can see our setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. Hope ignites our problem-solving abilities, so we understand the better way to do things through experimentation and persistence.
- Hope makes us look toward the future. More than that, it helps us let go of the past so we can welcome our bright future with open arms. Hope sees us as going somewhere, and then shows us the way to get there.
The best part about it?
It’s contagious and a desire to have
If you go out into the world full of hope and enthusiasm, you can be sure to find that reflected at you by those around you, by those who have learned how to hope because you first showed them the way.
Reach out to me if you’re looking for help with your mindset. I offer 1×1 mentoring services as well as group mentoring. I would love to help you.
Do you ever doubt yourself? Do you doubt you can do whatever it is you’ve set out to do? This is perfectly normal. We all do it. You know that all it takes is a little confidence in yourself, right?
Having self-doubt is something everyone faces at some point in their life. And for some of us, it can be a real struggle. You’re not telling this lady anything new. I have lived it myself in my early days of running my business.
Self-Doubt Is Creeping Into Your Confidence
When self-doubt – which is defined as the lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities – keeps us from doing what we want to do and from reaching our goals, slap on those brakes! Because it’s time to take action and work towards overcoming it. Am I right?
Since self-doubt by definition is caused by a lack of confidence, the solution is obvious. We need now to work on becoming more confident.
But how do you go about boosting your self-confidence? Saying “You need to be more confident” is easy, actually doing it can be a little harder, but it can be done.
Fake It Until You Make It
I’m serious. As odd as it sounds this actually works. By acting confident, you can trick your mind into becoming a more confident person. Stand up tall, talk with conviction, and take some action. Act like a confident person until you become just that. Come on, just try it!
Find A Cheerleader To Boost Your Confidence Level
If you’re the kind of person that thrives on praise and gets a big boost in confidence whenever they receive a compliment, go find yourself a cheerleader. Talk to a friend, find an accountability partner, or hire a coach or mentor. I know a great mentor, it’s ME!
Let them know that you work well with praise and ask them to cheer you on as you work on your confidence. I can totally do this for you…contact me, I have 1×1 mentoring sessions that will help you boost your confidence level.
Take On A Challenge
Setting and reaching a goal is another big confidence booster. Set yourself a challenge. It doesn’t matter what it is or what area of your life it applies to. Then tackle it and rise to the challenge. Reaching your goal – whatever it may be – will boost your confidence overall and help you in all areas of your life.
Give these three ideas a try and see if you can use them to give yourself a confidence boost anytime you face a challenge. Remember, I have 1×1 mentoring sessions that will help you with your confidence and anything else you might need help with.
And don’t stop there… throughout your daily life pay attention to your confidence. Whenever you find yourself slipping back into self-doubt, focus on a confidence-building activity. It won’t take you long to get out of the habit of doubting yourself and becoming the confident and productive person you’ve always wanted to be.
Cultivating optimism is pretty easy, but you might be surprised to hear that optimism is not an innate quality. Optimism and pessimism are ways of looking at yourself and the world through a positive or negative filter. Once you think of them as reflections of your mindset, it becomes much easier to believe you can change. Like any new behavior, you need to practice every day for it to become a habit. So how does cultivating optimism work?
You can try these six suggestions:
- Keep a journal
Journaling or keeping a diary allows you to process events and to get a different perspective on them. It encourages self-reflection and captures insights into your thinking and behavior.
You can write down what happened during your day and document, not just the bald facts but how you did it, what you did to make it happen, and what you did right. And, importantly, how it felt while you were doing it.
Don’t just record the good things (a promotion, a presentation, or meeting that went well). Remember to write down the thing that didn’t go so well and reflect on what happened, how you dealt with it, and what you might do differently next time.
In case you missed it, there is an entire series about journaling that was posted. For the first in the series, you’ll want to check it out here.
- Laugh to Cultivate Optimism
Consciously notice the funny side of things and write them down. So, if the technology didn’t work, and you had to give the presentation without the slide deck, just laugh about it to your audience. I’m sure that they will understand. Tech doesn’t always work because sometimes the power might go out.
Maybe there was a fire drill in the middle of your crucial meeting. What can seem like a disaster at the time can also be looked back on as a comedy of errors.
Like yesterday, I was attending a webinar when the internet went down, this was not the person’s fault. The entire internet when down in their area. You just have to laugh about it and just reschedule it, which is exactly what this person did.
- Write to your future
Write a letter or a journal entry that sets out the future you want. What job are you doing? Are you running your own business? What have you learned? What has changed? Imagining how your future life looks and feels can be a powerful motivator. Just like positive thinking will help you get out of negative headspace.
- Keep a kindness list
Have a page in your journal where you note down kind gestures. Write down when you are kind to someone, or when someone is kind to you. Even little things count, like opening a door for someone or letting them go first in the line for coffee. You’ll be surprised at how quickly they mount up, and your ever-lengthening list will give you a different perspective on things.
Here’s a HUGE one for cultivating optimism
- Say thank you
Write a letter or email, phone or visit someone (a person outside your family) who has been genuinely kind to you. Tell them how much you appreciate what they did or said and how it has affected your life.
I’m sure that there are plenty of people that come into your life you can practice this on. Just think about it, there will be people that pop into your mind.
- Choose positivity
Make a positive choice to develop and maintain an optimistic outlook. Do this every morning when you wake up. Decide that today is going to be a great day. Everyone will have some level of suffering in their life. Choosing to be optimistic will make it easier to bounce back from the bad times and to enjoy and be certain of the good times.
If you’re looking for help with any mindset issues, please contact me by using the form below. Let’s set up a call so we can get to know each other, it’s the best way I know how to help you.