The Benefits & Problems of Being a Good Listener
How many times have you listened to someone and found that you have come away knowing them better for it? When a person speaks, they reveal a lot about themselves. So if you want to know a person better and understand their motives, dreams, and desires, then it makes sense to listen more closely. The Benefits & Problems of Being a Good Listener is important.
While most of us can hear, not all people have the ability to listen as attentively as others. This is why listening is often listed as a desired skill set.
Be a Good Listener
When you start to listen to a person you gain more insights such as:
* Understanding what they expect of themselves and you
* Build better relationships with family, friends and your coworkers
* You will be able to resolve issues more quickly
* Have a better understanding of what people are trying to tell you
* Know how to respond properly
* You will become a trusted and respected person
Are YOU a Good Listener?
The moment you present yourself as someone who is not listening, your trust level drops substantially. There are actually physical and mental barriers that you need to overcome in order to become good at listening.
The most common ones include things like:
* Language and accent barriers
* Noise levels
* Poor attention span
* Hearing issues
Some of these barriers are going to prevent even the best listener to fully understand the issue. A great example of this is trying to listen to someone who is not speaking their native language. They may use the correct words, but the biggest handicap is their accent. No matter how hard they try to pronounce words correctly they are just not understood.
Understanding & Trusting Others
So what can you do if you are having a hard time understanding someone? A good active listener will often try to do the following things to improve their comprehension of the situation.
* Move in a little closer
* Maintain eye contact
* Nod and smile to indicate that you are listening
* Ask appropriate questions
* Try to clarify the issue in your own words
By doing these things you are showing the person that you are doing your best to understand them. This can be very helpful and can put the person speaking at ease. Quite often they are feeling stressed out, nervous and anxious.
By helping them to put their feelings behind them, they can often explain the situation better.
As you can see it is not that difficult to improve your listening skills. Just be aware that there are problems that can prevent you from fully understanding people sometimes.
Share Your Heart & Practice Empathy
We trust people around us who are open and honest with us. We like and trust people who aren’t afraid to share what they feel and what they are passionate about. Share Your Heart & Practice Empathy – yeah, how do you do that?
In other words, we’re willing to be vulnerable around others who aren’t afraid to share their heart. Thus, it’s only logical that if you want to get closer to those around you, pull them in, and get them on your side so to speak, you should open your own heart and share what’s important to you.
Share YOUR Passion
It’s not always easy to make yourself vulnerable by sharing your passions and ideas, but it will pay off in the right context.
If you’re trying to get your team on board with a big idea that will improve the company, the work environment, or how your department works, don’t be afraid to let your passion and excitement show. It can be quite contagious and if nothing else, it communicates how important this is to you and that you’re doing it to better the work environment or job security for everyone on the team.
The Easy Button
This, like many other “people skills” will come easier to some than others. If you’re in the habit of keeping your feelings and important thoughts to yourself, it will take some conscious effort and practice to get in the habit of sharing your heart.
Start small and among people like close friends or family that you feel relatively safe in doing so.
As time goes by, keep practicing and widening the circle of people you share your heart with until it becomes part of who you are.
Skils – skills – skills
Another important skill that’s worth developing is empathy. Empathy is being able to recognize what the other person feels and what motivates them. Here’s why this is important. At our core, we’re motivated by what’s in it for us. When you’re able to empathize, you’re able to see what will motivate the other person and what they could get out of whatever it is you want to accomplish.
When you can communicate that well, it becomes easy to get people on your side and get them on board with what you want to do.
Are YOU Empathic?
Some people are naturally empathic, while others have to work at it a little harder. Try to put yourself into the other person’s shoes. Think about how things affect them from their point of view. The better you get at viewing things from their side, and figuring out what motivates and drives them, the easier it will become to use the right words, acts, and motivators to win them over.
Making Other People Happy
When people themselves are happy, they experience positive feelings which they attribute as being something good. But when people make others happy, it elevates those positive feelings even further. Making other people happy should be a goal.
There is no doubt that people love to make others happy. In fact, if you are ever feeling down yourself, one way to bring yourself up is to find ways to make others happy. This will give you the boost you need.
Do YOU Even Try?
When you strive to make others happy, they notice.
They will get a boost in their mood which you will see that reaction in their face immediately. It may even be returned to you in kind, either immediately, or sometime in the future.
Here’s the Thing
The great part about making others happy is it is relatively easy to do. It can be as simple as paying someone a compliment.
Or it can be helping out a colleague whose workload is overextended. Sometimes, simply thanking someone can lift up their spirits no matter how small the task that you are thanking them for is.
One really easy way to make people happy is to smile. Smiling is a warm and friendly act that most people will respond to positively by smiling back. A smile is a form of welcoming and shows that you are opening yourself up to those people. It gives people an invitation to approach you.
Another way to make someone happy is to simply listen to them. You would be amazed at how effective this is. People aren’t usually good listeners so if you stand out as someone who is, this too will get noticed by people and it will make them happy.
If you want to go a step further in making others happy, try to learn more about the people that you want to make happy. Be interested in what they do. Then, if you see something related to their interests, either bring it to their attention or give them something related that shows you were paying attention.
It’s important to be genuine when making others happy and not use it as a form of manipulation. People will pick right up on that tactic and it is sure to backfire on you.
😛 – Does this make you smile?
Since it doesn’t really work anyway, why bother even trying it? People will appreciate you much more and will respond positively to your efforts to make them happy instead of trying to get something out of it for yourself.
They will also be more willing to make you happy when the effort is real. Just do it!
When people treat you wrong, it is very easy to hold a grudge. You may not understand how it could be possible to forgive someone for a slight, especially if the action was especially hurtful. Maybe you think forgiveness is about the other person and somehow, they benefit from you forgiving them. Forgiveness is not about the other person; it is about you.
Do YOU Know How To Forgive?
Forgiving another person does not always mean they stay in your life. Sometimes you do not even let them know you are forgiving them. You do not even need to trust them again. Just forgive them to eliminate the negativity in your life.
Even horrific crimes can be forgiven. For safety reasons, you may want to use an indirect way of forgiving them instead of contacting them directly. Write a letter as if you plan on sending it to the other person. Talk about how what they did made you feel, and about how it made you think about yourself. Write about how you are no longer going to allow them space in your head and how you forgive them for what they did to you.
When you finish writing, seal up the letter in an envelope and put their name on the front. Then either throw it away (shred it first!) or burn the letter. It does not have to actually be read by the person you are forgiving, this exercise is to help you get past the negativity and the chains that are holding you back as a person.
If you find you can’t forgive on your own, you may want to talk with a professional. Therapy can really help you get past this hurdle. Especially if the person committed a serious crime. If you have been abused, particularly over a long period of time, you may need therapy to help you get past what was done to you. There is nothing wrong with seeking help.
And After – Forgiveness
Once you have forgiven the other person, you will feel like a weight has been lifted, or chains have been removed. Grudges are not healthy for you and they do not affect the other person. When you bottle up negative feelings, you can increase your risks of developing heart disease, and other health conditions. You tend to age faster as well. Not forgiving others can dim your overall outlook on life, so why put yourself through all of that?
Remember that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about eliminating the negativity in your own life.
So free yourself today by forgiving others for the wrongs they have done to you.
The best way to eliminate negativity is to develop a positive attitude. Your thoughts and outlook on life have a profound effect on how you live your life. They are also contagious and affect those around you. You can’t have both positive and negative in the same space. So why not focus on turning the negativity into something more positive?
You will find you have more energy and enthusiasm when you have a more positive attitude. People will want to be around you more and will be more positive as well, leading to a cascade effect. Negativity tends to bring you down and steal away your energy. It can also cause health issues over time.
Some ways you can develop a more positive attitude are:
Read Books about Positive Thinking
There are many books out there that can teach you about how to develop a positive mindset and eliminate the negativity in your life. Reading is not only a great way to learn, but it helps your brain build more connections which keep it healthy for a longer time. You can even find many very good books on this subject in your local library and read them for free.
Affirmations are a way of reprogramming the negative thoughts you tell yourself – and in many cases, you may not even be aware that you have them. By doing affirmations, you can change these negative thoughts into positive ones. You can start thinking better of yourself.
Meditation is a great way to help eliminate negativity and turn it into positive thinking. It also reduces stress. Because you get past the conscious level, you can really help reprogram your mindset with meditation. If you combine this with the affirmations, you can increase the results.
Spend time with positive people
How to Eliminate Negativity
Try to eliminate or limit contact with people who tend to have a negative mindset. Sometimes you can’t completely break off contact with them, especially if they are family or people you work with, but as much as possible try to spend time with positive people. Not only will you find it easier to be positive around them, but you may learn new ways to help yourself be more positive.
Just Do It
You can eliminate negativity if you set your mind to it and use tools and techniques to make it happen. You will not only feel better about yourself and have more energy and zest for life, but you will be physically healthier. Negative people drain their mental and physical well-being of their mindset. So, learn to have a positive attitude.
Be a Person of Your Word
You will never be a people person if you aren’t truthful and deliver on what you say you will. People will start to avoid you when this happens. You need to make sure that if you promise something, you will do whatever it takes to make sure you get it done. Are you a “Be a Person of Your Word” kind of person?
Don’t Promise if You Can’t Deliver
Of course, don’t promise things if you feel you cannot get them done. You see this happen with companies all the time. They agree to anything customers ask for and then are unable to give them what they want. That is never a good situation to be in. People will react negatively when this happens. The company won’t get more business, and their reputation will be tarnished as a result.
Don’t let this happen on a personal level
Be confident in knowing what people are asking you to do. Don’t agree just because you don’t want them to become upset with you. They will be more upset if you aren’t able to produce what you told them.
If you agree to meet with someone, be sure to keep the appointment. There are certain circumstances where you have to cancel, once in a while. That’s okay, but don’t make a habit of this. Being a people person means being dependable.
What are YOUR Standards?
It’s also okay to expect the same standards as others. If you find someone who is not dependable, you may have to cut ties with them. This may seem counterintuitive to the whole idea of being a people person, but it’s not. You are expected to be reliable, and you should expect the same from everyone you deal with.
Of course, there are going to be occasions where people have to break appointments. This is normal and should be expected. Don’t be too hard on people when it happens. But, here too, they shouldn’t be repeat offenders. It’s important to be understanding, but there is a point where some people will take advantage of this.
Be a Person of YOUR Word
When you are known as a person of your word, others will have no problem recommending you. In fact, they will start referring to you even without you asking for it. This is one of the foundations of being a people person.
Being a people person is mostly about common sense. It’s about interacting with others and having some expectations for everyone you deal with. It’s about developing friendships as well as work relationships. As you increase the number of people, you will discover what works best for you and those people.